Friday, September 3, 2010

Squirrel Noir

There was a rather unhappy squirrel that lived in a nearby forest. Let's call him Roger.

One day a nice deer suggested to Roger that he go and talk to the river. Perhaps the wise river could help Roger be happy.

Roger walks off down to the river. "Mr. River," says Roger, "I am not happy."
"Why Roger, What are you unhappy about?" asks the River.
"Mr River, I want things that I cannot buy." says Roger.
The River replies "Roger, buying things is only a distraction. Things cannot make you happy."
"Mr. River, I have not been promoted at work and I know that I deserve to be." Roger asserts.
"Roger, look at yourself from your employers point of view. They probably place you where you are most needed." the River explains.
"Mr. River, I cannot run as fast or jump as high as I want to." Roger whines.
"Roger, you need to be willing to work hard for what you want to achieve. If you still cannot reach your goal, then perhaps your goal was too high. Be realistic." the River sighs tiredly.
"Mr River, My wife and family are not who I wanted them to be. They will not change!" Roger grouches.
"Roger, you cannot reshape your family to suit you. Perhaps you should accept them." the River sniffs.

"Mr. River, My real problem is that I am not rich. Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to figure it out for myself? I cannot buy my wife a fur coat, I cannot afford good running shoes, I cannot buy a Brooks Brothers suit to impress my boss with, I cannot buy a new Escalade to drive about in."

"Roger, There are yellow rocks in my bed, Roger, retrieve them and you can trade them for money. Perhaps then you will be happy." the River says.
"Mr. River, Really?!"
"Really Roger. Be warned, this is a big risk, and if you value my wisdom you will not take it."

-A little while later
"Mr. River, what where those bubbles you had in you a little while ago? Where is Roger?" asks the Deer as she approaches the water.
"Fucking squirrels. They never listen." says the River.


  1. A perfect start to the morning: a squirrel offing himself.


  2. Who would employ a squirrel anyway?

  3. That's a terribly mean ending! But the rest of it cracked me up. I'd love to see a squirrel in a Brooks Brothers suit.

  4. Why is it I have a sudden urge to make that picture my screen saver?