Monday, August 23, 2010

I am working on a new skill...

I have many skills, none are very useful, but they amuse me. In the search for a new technique to master, I was told that the local community college was offering a course in creepy looks and stares. To succsessfully complete the course you should be able to look like this:

Now this could be very useful in many situations, such as: Jehovah's witnesses at you door, at a job interview, waiting in line at the DMV or Post Office, sex with a stranger, and many others.

Here is a mini blog within a blog of my classes:
Week 1: We were shown A Clockwork Orange repeatedly until we could sit though it with a straight face.
Week 2: 20 hours of being heckled by Scientology councilors.
Week 3: Chemical purge of hormones
Week 4: Required to show no outward emotion while viewing Westboro baptist church sermons
Week 5: Homework. Trips to the zoo to stare down large cats and owls.
Week 6: Now we had the emotionless stare, we had to make it creepy. We spent the week watching chess tournaments with porn soundtracks overdubbed. That worked well for all of us increasingly chemical dependent students.
Week 7: Homework.Scare strangers on a bus. To do this I bussed about reading Twilight and muttering approving noises into a portable tape recorder.

Next week if my final exam. I know intellectually that I would be nervous if I had any emotions left intact. I would let you know how it goes, but it really does not matter.

Whatever.

3 comments:

  1. How do I sign up for this class?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't think I could ever look like that. Anyway, I'm not cutting off all my hair and wearing a tie.

    I would like to look like Olga Kamenitska, sex kitten of the Ukraine, though. Does your community college offer anything in regards to that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was going to comment, but I was too busy practicing my stare

    ReplyDelete