Roger the squirrel vs. herds of radiation-altered scientologists

Roger the squirrel usually had good luck hunting the plains for scientologists. As he was munching on his latest catch, he noticed that there was a light green glow around his food. Roger, being a squirrel and not being very particular about these things, kept munching.

After waking from a long, long sleep, Roger found himself a wee bit taller. And a wee bit faster. And a wee bit smarter. With his newfound ability, he was twice as efficient at hunting the wild, wiley scientologists. His eating had never been better; his waistline had never been larger.

Waking up from a nap at about midnight, he saw a faint glow on the horizon. Upon investigating it, it appeared to be yet another radioactive scientologist.

"Nom, nom, NOM!" said Roger.

Long, long sleep. Faster, taller, smarter! Roger looked for more glowing lunatics.

Three years went by. Roger became the size of a city bus, and songs were sung about him all around the world. When a scientologist started to glow, he wet himself in terror and knew his days were numbered.

Roger prospered.

THE END.