An ode to my underwear

Dear underwear, you have faithfully done your service to me for many years. We were an instant match and we have always been comfortable together. There has never been an awkward moment.

I have never doubted your reliability or discretion. When I needed you, I was never disappointed. In return I have done my best to keep you clean and happy.

I am sorry for what I have been forced to undertake. As underwear you naturally age faster than I do so when I started noting your frayed elastic and thin spots I knew the end of our partnership was near. I'm afraid that in the interest of your state of mind I've treated you very badly.

The basket that you now reside in is not actually the Disnyland lobby. Instead of frolicking with a giant mouse you will be squeezed in with kitchen waste and used kitty litter. Instead of your promised luxury retirement you will likely be buried in a landfill along with many of your suffering kind. I thought that the empty promises would keep you happy for just another day.

Excuse me now, I need to go shopping.