I am working on a new skill...

I have many skills, none are very useful, but they amuse me. In the search for a new technique to master, I was told that the local community college was offering a course in creepy looks and stares. To succsessfully complete the course you should be able to look like this:

Now this could be very useful in many situations, such as: Jehovah's witnesses at you door, at a job interview, waiting in line at the DMV or Post Office, sex with a stranger, and many others.

Here is a mini blog within a blog of my classes:
Week 1: We were shown A Clockwork Orange repeatedly until we could sit though it with a straight face.
Week 2: 20 hours of being heckled by Scientology councilors.
Week 3: Chemical purge of hormones
Week 4: Required to show no outward emotion while viewing Westboro baptist church sermons
Week 5: Homework. Trips to the zoo to stare down large cats and owls.
Week 6: Now we had the emotionless stare, we had to make it creepy. We spent the week watching chess tournaments with porn soundtracks overdubbed. That worked well for all of us increasingly chemical dependent students.
Week 7: Homework.Scare strangers on a bus. To do this I bussed about reading Twilight and muttering approving noises into a portable tape recorder.

Next week if my final exam. I know intellectually that I would be nervous if I had any emotions left intact. I would let you know how it goes, but it really does not matter.

Whatever.

The number 20

If you are shopping for a new number, I suggest that you consider the number twenty.

Twenty was invented in the late 1300s by a French monk. An Englishman had just called him "a cheese-eating surrender monkey" and the monk replied with "I shall install nineteen, no...uh....TWENTY, Yes, twenty lices in your underwear!"  The Englishman did not know what twenty was, but he knew about lices so he apologized and went on his way.

The historical significance of the number twenty has shining moments and dark times as well. There were twenty people on the moon in 1969 when NASA held their first annual kegger in a crater party. On the darker side, Torquemada used twenty spikes and twenty heathens in his directorial debut "Happy Huggy Questions and Answers".

Twenty is also very versatile.You can use it to change a flat tire, divide it by broccoli, whiten your teeth, and also for your, um, marital problems.

In short: buy it now! Or buy eighty and share with friends! Just leave me alone...

Paid for by the four times five council.