Weakly ride report

Not so many miles this week, about 60 ish. I recorded my last ride, by being what Riot Kitty calls "Geeky". Click here to view the map.

Only a few cycling things of interest this week; I picked up some new pedals and shoes that want to kill me. Imagine a human-sized beetle upside down under a bicycle, feet still attached, and you will know what happens when the (defective and homicidal) pedal does not release the shoe. I also (much to Riot Kitty's dismay) purchased a spandex clownsuit. They look funny but it feels like you are riding naked. In a good way.

Darthweasel's bike also has taken a dislike for humanity so we did not ride together this week. This will not abide.


-This post has been inspected and approved.

Why it takes me a long time to blog.

You will have noticed that there is usually a long gap between my blog postings. I will explain to you why this in necessary and important.

I break down my blog writing process in to separate steps. Each step consumes between a few minutes and a week of my time. I could cut corners and skip some of these steps but I want my readers to have the best experience possible so I do not skimp any part of the process. Here are a few examples:

1: Writing the post. This is the easy part. I only have to ensure that the computer is clean, run a line quality test, measure the voltages and Ph levels of the backup batteries, and adjust the room lighting to the required lumen and color temperature levels. I then type in the content.

2: Verifying content. A copy editor with a contractual obligation is retained at all times to find and document all spelling and grammar errors. This is part of the ISO 9001 program requirement.

3: Verifying media. This is the time consuming part. I must take a 20% random sample of the displayed lettering, remove the sample lot from the screen and subject them to these tests: Opacity (over 80%) Edge smoothness (less than .5 micron) Modulus of elasticity (greater than 3k psi), Specific gravity (over 6.2), Transconductance (over 9 millisiemens), Optical index (within 5% of display surface), Speed of reflected photon propagation (= 6.626 × 10−34h), and reference color wheel for suitability.

Assuming that all components of the blog have passed the physical testing I then send them out for electrical testing to ensure that the FCC, CEN, BSI, and VDE.


These are only a few of the seven steps that I use to engineer the end user's experience to nearly 100% optimum state. I can only control the content at the source. If this blog has any flaws apparent at the terminus, a form 2074.3 /A rev. 2.6 is required to be completed. An associate will be dispatched to correct the consumers equipment, or in semi-rare cases, the consumer.

Osvaldo

The only remnant of the building's significant history is 4 parallel scratches deep in the door frame, now wet with rain or the synthetic equivalent. Many years ago the mention of "Petrov's Pets and Fish" brought awe and respect to the do-badders of the the city but now it is just another husked squat.

The squinchy little man walks up to the now defunct pet store doorway with reverence draped on him like a large cat. Reaching out and touching the 4 gouges in the wood he shivers a little remembering the sounds of the epic battle fought here, the slap of suckers against fur, claws scraping beak, and ink splashing on the floor tiles.

This is where the Fibonacci three plus five ruled.

This is where the Grey Menace rose to power.

This is where Osvaldo conceded defeat.

This is where the the squinchy man made his pledge.

as much sex appeal as a road accident

Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

No pigs, squirrels, or lunar vampires. Only a list.

I was talking with Riot Kitty when I realized that not everyone knew what the best recorded guitar solos are. I listed off the top 5 (mainstream-ish) guitar solo songs to her, for educational purposes. I will do the same for you. If you disagree, you are wrong.

In no order: Links go to youtube videos.
Comfortably Numb
All along the Watchtower
Bohemian Rhapsody
Cemetery Gates
Sultans of Swing

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Willoughby is...

Willoughby is too busy for you right now.

Go away.

Go.

About Willoughby

Willoughby is a pig. He is no ordinary pig -you know, the kind that you see in the grocery store, or in an animated movie. Willoughby is an exceptional pig.

All throughout school Willoughby's teachers would say, "Why don't you apply yourself, you have so much potential!" Willoughby would say to himself, "Why don't you get out of my way, it will reduce your chance of being trampled."

"Potential," Willoughby thought. "Is the difference in pressure in a system. Hmmm...that gives me an idea."

Many years later, the name Willoughby was said in fear. He had never hurt anyone but he had invented a doomsday machine. "Achieve your potential! Convert your matter directly to energy! Smile!" read the large logos on the boxes that Willoughby would leave laying about. "Just push the button!" read the label that was just below a shiny friendly button. No one had ever pushed one as the Willoughby task force collected and stored the machines as fast as they could be manufactured.

Willoughby was getting frustrated. Not one of his quantum devices had been activated. The universe had not been reduced to a flash of light, not even once. Back to the drawing board. Visions of self-pushing buttons danced through his head.

Things do not always work out as planned. Willoughby (who always read before bed) picked up "Death on the Nile" by Agatha Christie. He was hooked. After finishing one Agatha Christie book, he would pick up another, then another. Instead of building a self-pushing button, Willoughby was chain-reading mystery books. Suddenly the idea struck him. He had to deactivate all of the hundreds of doomsday machines that he had built. To do this he needed the help from the wind, the light, and stealth personified: Earl Gray - Ninja at large.

End part 1. Stay tuned for part two.