Propinquus ut tribuo versus.

Is est duco tenus meus natalis. Is est meus tantum duco down quod EGO diligo is carus.

Discuss.

It will all become clear soon.

And a few random movie quotes:

A man is defined by his actions, not his memories

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

The central message of Buddhism is not: "Every man for himself."

No, it's pronounced: Fronkensteen.

The suspense is terrible . . . I hope it'll last.

Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here.

Fill your hands.

Well, he should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend.

This is not the blog that you are looking for.

I was going to post about the cruelty in the Peppermint Bark industry (poor peppermint dogs) but then I saw this chart and decided to post it instead.

You have termites in your smile

You’re a mean one Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
And as charming as an eel,
Mr. Grinch!
You’re a bad banana,
With a greasy black peel!
You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch!
Your heart’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders.
You’ve got garlic in your soul,
Mr. Grinch!
I wouldn’t touch you
With a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch!
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile,
Mr. Grinch!
Given the choice between the two of you,
I’d take the seasick crocodile!
You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch!
You’re a nasty, wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks.
Your soul is full of gunk,
Mr. Grinch!
The three words that best describe you
Are as follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk!”
You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch!
You’re the king of sinful sots!
Your heart’s a dead tomato,
Splotched with moldy, purple spots,
Mr. Grinch!
Your soul is an appalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!
You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch!
With a nauseous super naus!
You’re a crooked jerky jockey,
And you drive a crooked hoss,
Mr. Grinch!
You’re a three-decker sauerkraut
and toadstool sandwich,
With arsenic sauce!

Christmas aggression and that bastard Santa

Parking has just become much more difficult with the soccer moms flinging their SUVs  around looking for the perfect parking spot that they feel entitled to. The blood is in the water now, the sharks are all out. People who are polite before thanksgiving will now cheerfully cripple you if you are between them and the pepsi display.

I blame Santa.

Just who does he think he is, self-righteously ignoring international law, spying on you, and catagorizing you based on a set of rules that he made up. I think that John Ashcroft and Santa are related or something.

About these rules: Naughty.....Nice.....whatever. There are only two categories. Are your deeds judged by severity? Quantity? Morality? If you pet your dog once for every time you kill a hitchhiker do you break even? What if you are a do-gooding saint but selfish in bed? Let's say you bugger a sheep. Texas; nice, NYC; naughty? WTF!

I think that Santa uses his vast surveillance network for his own sinister purposes. For him all the world's peoples are just a jerry springer show.

I say Revolution! Don't give the fat man his kicks. Sit and stare! Don't do anything worth watching. Not even in the shower. Embrace stillness, silence, and calm. We will ruin Christmas but regain our privacy. I'm starting now.

Yuk

I'm a slacker at updating this blog. Perhaps it is your fault.

Anyhow:

Weakly ride report 10-2-10

It has been a pretty good week for riding. Once I got rid of that nasty infection that I picked up from a friendly squirrel I was able to get back on the bike. Here it is:

Tuesday: 25 medium-savage miles with DarthWeasel. He was in training for his personal assault on all the shrimps in the sea, I think in vengeance. (A shrimp once ate DW, then turned him into a newt.)  He managed to double the speed limit on a public road and escape with his life. I kept myself busy yelling obscenities at the trees and shrubs that kept eyeballing me.

Wednesday: About 8 fast miles around town. I was barely keeping ahead of pissed off foliage.

Thursday: 10ish miles, nothing exciting. I bet you are regretting reading this.

Saturday: 50.3 miles with DW. Perfect cool sunny weather, flat and long multi-use path. I thought we were going to get lost a couple of times, we didn't. We kept an relaxed pace for 4 hours, saw wild blacksmiths, a brave bunny, an IQ vampire, and a wasp flew into my helmet and got stuck. If my saddle were more comfortable I would have been good for a couple more hours. Our route took us in a loop around Portland twice then out on the Springwater Corridor. Google it, it is pretty cool.